Dear Angel,
I want to leave home but I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings. Over a year ago, my mom moved out and so did my
sister. It's just been me and my dad. Also, I've spent the past 27 weekends at someone else's house (my mom's or a friend's.)
Most of the time though, I'm at my aunt and uncle's house. Sometimes my aunt and uncle and I brush on the topic of me staying
there in the summer or something, but my cousins want me to stay all the time, not just during the summer and on weekends.
I would love to do that. I know all the kids in the neighborhood and their parents. The thing is, I'm afraid it would destroy
my dad. I try thinking that it would help him financially but I keep thinking how upset he was that mom left and that my sister
wanted to live elsewhere (she's 17.) It makes me mad that she was selfish and only thinking of herself when she moved out.
What should I do? Stay for four more years until college, or move in with my relatives? (PS: I'm not very good with my
communication skills when it comes to something that might hurt someone.)
Yours truly,
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Dear S.I.S.O.S.I.G,
That is a pretty hard decision you are trying to make!
First of all, what you need to do is set aside your worries about hurting your dad, for a moment, and think about yourself.
It is wonderful that you care so much about trying not to hurt your dad's feelings. But since he is the parent, it is his
job to do what is best for you.
So what would be best for you?
Moving in with someone changes a lot of things. Even if you spend a whole lot of time with your aunt and uncle and cousins,
actually moving in with them can change things. (Trust me... I have lived with lots of different people at different times!)
Try thinking about what it would be like, to be a regular part of your relatives' household.
What is it that you are hoping will happen if you move in? Do you know what sort of rules your cousins have to follow,
such as curfews, clothes, etc? Are you willing to follow those rules as well?
If you move in, and the excitement of being there wears off, you are bound to have arguments with your aunt, uncle and
cousin. How would you handle that? Would arguments make you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome?
What room would you sleep in if you move in? Would you have your own room, or would you be sharing a room with one of
your cousins? If you have to share, you might have to live with the furniture and decorations your cousin has already chosen.
Would it bother you to have to give up the things you have in your own room at your dad's?
If you think about all of these things, and you definitely feel like you'd be better off living with your relatives,
then maybe you could ask your aunt or uncle to bring up the subject with your dad.
They could say something like, "We really love having Jenny here on the weekends! She spends so much time over here,
the house feels empty when she's gone. We were wondering if maybe she'd like to try moving in with us for a while." They could
speak to your dad about why they think living with them would be good for you.
If you do end up moving in with your aunt and uncle, you can make sure you still feel like you're in your dad's life.
Call him on a regular basis, try to plan one day during each week to have dinner together or do something else together, and
make sure to invite him to your school or sport functions.
Whether or not you end up moving in with them, you are very lucky to have an extended family that makes you feel so welcome!
Family comes in all different shapes and sizes. Even if you remain living with your dad, that doesn't mean that you are any
less important to your relatives, or that they are any less important to you!
Good luck!
With love,
from Angel
